Vanquish self-doubt and disarm an overbearing inner critic
This is a guest post from Jen Baxter
Have you heard? Resiliency is the new economy.
The more polarized, chaotic, and stormy the world gets, the more we need a daily dose of kindness and self-compassion.
So putting pen to paper, tapping on the keyboard, or picking up a fountain pen, can be an act of survival – survival for the self. This is about more than bubble baths, long walks, and spa days. (Although I’m a fan of those too.)
That quiet voice within has valuable guidance for you. And writing can be a way to strengthen the connection.
So here are five writing practices to help clear your head, reflect on what’s most important, and bring you back to center.
1. The brain dump
This is for those days when there’s too much swimming in your head. Credit card due dates, vet appointments, or maybe you’re just having a really bad hair day.
These kinds of things take up emotional energy and brain space – not to mention completely derailing your focus.
So to take back your sanity and a morsel of concentration, by grabbing a pen and paper.
And, if it’s helpful, set a timer on your phone.
Then scribble at the top of the page: Brain Dump – GO
Write stream of consciousness about anything.
Like why your daughter is so self-centered and high maintenance, and why you just don’t want to get into it with her. Again.
List everything you have to do. And everything else you want to do.
Write until you’re done. It’s all out. Or the timer goes off. Whichever is most helpful.
And then take three slow, conscious breaths.
You’ll feel your head clear just enough to get started.
2. Reflect on your values (The “V” in Sonia’s VESPA)
I use freewriting to riff on my values
I got this from Sonia’s VESPA framework. (Her unique framework for making consistent content creation easier in your business.)
The “V” stands for values.
So let’s apply her marketing genius to our lives — and, more importantly, our well-being.
With the VESPA framework, she tosses out two critical questions:
- What do I stand for?
- What won’t I stand for?
Use these as a simple writing prompt. They can help you dig deeper into anything from a family drama you’re struggling with to something happening in your work.
More importantly, it’ll force you to take time to decide what values are most important to you right now.
You’ll become more mindful about your internal world when your external world is cooking faster than a fried egg on a convection stove top when you’re using old pans.
(Ever try that? Makes for a crispy fried egg)
Try taking a few of your values, set a timer, and freewrite for 10 minutes on each value to see what comes up for you.
Later, you can take a few of those freewrites and incorporate the themes into another writing practice.
3. Make yourself a character in a personal essay
How about writing a better story for yourself? This is a way to use writing as a path to more self-compassion. (Can I hear an amen!)
Personal essays, poetry, and short stories are powerful outlets for creative self-expression. But honestly, they can feel intimidating if you don’t see yourself as someone who enjoys the craft. (And if you’re hanging around here, you already have pretty high standards about craft.)
Anyone who’s dabbled in therapy or life coaching knows how important an hour of talking about ourselves can be. Writing about chapters of your life is not only the cheapest form of therapy, but there’s also research that shows it increases self-esteem.
And if you really want to dip your quill in the inkwell, writing about yourself in the third person gives even more bounce to the ounce. It’s a technique that helps change the narrative about your past. (Ask any memoir author out there.)
Here’s a few simple reasons why it works so well:
- You get to make your own meaning out of life’s challenges and struggles
- Studies show that people are more positive about themselves when they’re writing in the third person
- We can be kinder and more compassionate about others than we can about ourselves
When you give yourself permission to view your life through another character’s eyes, you can recognize how much you’ve grown. You realize important connections that can only be seen with reflection afterward.
And you’ll be gentler on yourself.
Try it to change your perspective about one area of your life.
4. Morning Pages
Julia Cameron’s celebrated book The Artist’s Way introduced the world to the idea of daily Morning Pages about 30 years ago.
And since then, it’s literally changed thousands of people’s lives.
The practice itself is simple:
When you wake up, before you reach for your phone, drink your coffee, or let the outside world intrude, pick up a pen and paper and write three pages, stream of consciousness without stopping.
It’s like a morning brain dump for all the nagging, cynical, swirling thoughts you wake up with.
It helps you bridge the gap between your blocked self and your creativity. What’s in the way? That feisty part of ourselves we call the inner critic. The Censor (as Cameron calls it) is our internal drive for perfection.
Whether you read the book (filled with exercises to reclaim your creativity in 12 weeks) or do only this exercise for 30 days, something internally will shift. Valuable new insights tend to bubble up, nudges of creative unblocking or recovery, and personal discoveries will scribble out from your pages.
Cameron advises you not to read your morning pages until at least 4 weeks later. Because It’s a clearing-out process, rather than a creating one.
Phew, a doable daily practice. I appreciate that, which brings us to…
5. A gratitude practice … with a twist
You’ve heard it a million times: List what you’re grateful for and count your blessings.
I recently heard a podcast by Andrew Huberman (a neuroscience PhD at Stanford University) where he dug into the research around the emotional effects of authentic appreciation and how to create a practice that genuinely calms your nervous system.
Huberman described a gratitude practice grounded in STORY.
This is remarkably different from anything I’ve heard before.
Start by choosing a story where you received genuine thanks. Or where you were grateful to someone else – either will work.
There are two important aspects to the story you choose.
First, it has to be a moment of sincere appreciation. For example, when I moved from San Francisco to Austin, my childhood friend Elizabeth (6th grade) and her husband let me stay at their house whenever I needed to return to SF. We’re friends like family, and they generously gave me a key to come and go on my schedule. They always made me feel like I was part of the family and welcome for dinner.
Second, you have to practice remembering this story as if it’s happening now. You’re replaying the tape. So you need to recreate a scene with specific details that light up your heart.
I’d pick a moment when I’m tired from traveling, walk in the house, and their labradoodle Sunny jumps all over me. I can smell the chicken roasting in the kitchen and feel how we hug at the door. Not too long, because Sunny is jumping all over us and there’s something in the oven, but long enough for my heart to light up as I see her red frame glasses and warm smile. I know wine and cheese are waiting in the kitchen. And I picture my bags in “my room,” fresh towels on the bed, and empty drawers to unpack my things.
(Think about it – how often do you ruminate in detail about your latest regret?? We’re working with the same principles here, friends.)
Huberman now writes mini scripts about his moments. But jotting down a quick outline will work just as well.
Select three or four bullets as emotional cues to remember your story.
He suggested these three elements:
- How you felt before someone showed deep appreciation for your kindness (or vice versa)
- The feelings that lit you up after
- Any poignant elements that have stayed with you
The more heartfelt and intense, the easier it’ll be for you to recall those moments. You’ll use them as cues to replay the scene.
Then, at least three times a week, sit quietly for a few minutes and remember the story. Replay it in your head. (It doesn’t matter when or where.)
By doing this, you’re embedding that emotional and visceral memory of receiving someone’s sincere appreciation in your nervous system. The ripple effect can relieve your anxiety, and improve your motivation and resilience.
Pretty cool huh?
If you want to listen to how he does this and the research behind it you can hear more on The Science of Gratitude and How to Build A Gratitude Practice.
My coworker Cody West was so inspired by this he started collecting gratitude stories from his friends and family. And, as a side effect of being a total type-A marketer, he hired a professional short story writer and narrator to turn them into guided meditations.
Check out gratitudestories.io and you can use the code scribe to listen to 7 stories for free. (Hope they inspire you to start writing your own!)
Finding your footing
Each of these writing practices can help you find your footing when life knocks you off your feet.
- Doing a brain dump will clear your head so you can get started.
- Reflecting on your values or doing Morning Pages will pave the way to becoming more mindful of your internal world.
- Writing a personal essay in the third person can make you feel more positive about yourself.
- Starting a gratitude practice grounded in story will boost your motivation and resilience.
Experiment with any of these — because developing a writing practice that helps keep you centered and self-reflective is good for both your well-being and your creative work.
These days, developing your internal compass and trusting yourself are non-negotiable survival skills.
Connect further with guest poster Jen Baxter
Check out Jen’s weekly Substack newsletter, The Skillful Scribbler. She encourages you to write deeper and more powerfully, by taking life’s raw material and turning it into something that makes your readers laugh, get all verklempt, and occasionally snort.
Photo by Jen Baxter & Thought Catalog on Unsplash
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